Selling the Drama

Hunting down the holiday spirit

2009-12-06T22:14:27Z

When we started work on this, the second of our holiday gift guides, while brainstorming for content the editor suggested I write a column.

“It’s been a while since you wrote one so I want to see a Christmas column,” he said. “And don’t be a grinch.”

I’m sure I gave him a less than charitable look at that comment, which probably just reinforced the whole grinch thing. But it offended me a little bit. I’m not a grinch! I can be filled with just as much ho-ho-holiday spirit as anybody! I think.

So in my newfound quest to prove that I wasn’t a grinch, I drove home that night plotting to haul out our Christmas lights and give Clark Griswald a run for his money. The problem with this, however, was that when I ventured into the garage to find our plastic tubs of Christmas décor, that the Halloween decorations were blocking them. Not just blocking, either. Our animated deer were hemmed in by skeletons, evil clowns and an entire fake stone wall.

This actually isn't quite as crazy as it sounds. My husband and I sell Halloween props and decorations, so our house is fairly full of the Halloweeny spirit year-round. Or, maybe that makes it sound more crazy… oh well. Nonetheless, the deer were wedged in pretty well, so I decided to move on to something easier. The garland was right there next to the gargoyles — bingo!

Unfortunately, when I tried to plug in the strings of pretty lighted garland to test them, all of them were dead. All of them. We’re talking six six-foot garlands!

I made a mental note to never buy garland from Wal-Mart again and moved on to the house lights. At least they worked, and they’re pretty. A few years ago we invested in some fancy-schmancy chasing lights with several settings to put along the roofline. The problem with this, however, was that putting those up required getting out the ladder and scurrying around on the roof like a mountain goat. Forget that.

We have those net lights for our shrubs, but one look at the tangled mess in that box was enough to make me take a break and go make myself a glass of liquid holiday cheer. Thusly fortified, I moved on to the spiffy candles that we use to line our driveway. Unfortunately, I had forgotten that last year some friendly neighborhood hooligans had played soccer with them and we hadn't replaced the broken set.

It seemed like the imp of the perverse was determined to prove the editor right - I might as well get out the green facepaint. But, stubborn as I am, I forged ahead. Surely there was something I could put out? The lit ornaments for the tree in the yard? Couldn't find the extension cord. The big twinkly snowflake for the front of the house? Yeah, no. There was the ladder issue again.

One of the boxes jingled, and after a little digging I found our bell wreath. Finally, something I could handle. I proudly put it on the front door, got another drink and rested easy. Grinch that.

iamslarti @ 2009-07-04T17:56:00

2009-07-04T22:56:48Z

Well, hey! I still have this thing...

Happy Fourth, todos!

iamslarti @ 2008-02-06T13:28:00

2008-02-06T19:40:15Z

Aeeiiieee! I haven't posted here for more than a year! Sad.

I still live, however.

iamslarti @ 2007-01-11T14:48:00

2007-01-11T20:48:39Z

In 2007, iamslarti resolves to...

Go writing three times a week.
Apply for a new farscape.
Become a better halloween.
Cut down on my reading.
Drink four glasses of music every day.
Overcome my secret fear of animatronics.

BRR!

2006-12-09T03:49:05Z

I just got back from two hours of Christmas cheer in the freezing cold. Why do people think "Christmas on the River" is a GOOD thing?

And why, oh why, would you have a stealth bomber flyover at a NIGHT event? Dur.

Dave Cockrum

2006-11-26T23:29:35Z

Dave Cockrum, creator of Nightcrawler, died this morning.

http://www.nightscrawlers.com/forum/viewthread.php?tid=6539

Words fail. I met him in person only once, but knew him online for several years. He was a good man.

More fine whine

2006-10-31T18:10:43Z

Ugh. I had a crappy weekend. Drama Friday at work, drama with my dad, a slow night at the haunted house... Then Saturday my father decided to show my in-laws his complete lack of social skills. I ended up getting into it with my father-in-law too. The haunted house was okay, and we made quite a bit of money, but I'm not sure we'll be doing it again. Too. Much. Drama.

Scott's flight was late Sunday too, and so Monday I was exhausted at work. Today is Halloween, and while the part of me not too tired to care is excited about that, it's not excited enough to decorate. The neigborhood kids will be disappointed. I may have to work late too.

I've decided to spend tommorrow recuperating, but I will have to work as well. Then I'm rejoining the gym, going on a diet and trying to be less moody.

Now I gotta get back to work...

I need some cheese with this whine

2006-10-27T19:36:37Z

Okay, gotta rant before I go 'splodey. This morning I actually got to work early, had all my stuff packed for spending the weekend 50 miles from home to work at the haunted house and was feeling pretty good about the day. I should have known better.

The fun started when I couldn't get Internet access or onto the file server at work. One of the owners came in and started working to fix it and got the server up, but not the Internet, thusly began the waiting on Time Warner Cable. Since I had my laptop with me I brought it in and pirated the Internet access from the cafe next door. So now I've got the only Web access in the building and everyone needs me to look crap up for them.

Then we had a staff meeting because there was a typo on the front page this week (partially my fault), three ads got left out of the paper (not my fault) and the printer ran out of black ink (WTF!?). So that was fun.

We've had spotty server access all day, and my pirated connection is not so hot either. So I'm getting squat done. Then my dad calls, and my grandfather is sick so he can't come up to babysit the dogs while I'm out of town. I still don't know what the hell to do about that.

So I'm half-ass trying to get some work done on my laptop when I hear a big thud outside our office. Our flag, complete with the metal bracket, pulled out of the stucco and crashed into the sidewalk outside, narrowly missing the county recorder of deeds, who was about to come in the door. Nice!

THEN the police scanner goes off, and one of the banks in town has been robbed. That doesn't often happen here, as this is a pretty small suburb.

And I've still got the only Internet connection. So we're going to have to download all the office e-mail through my laptop and try to transfer it to the server and hope nothing crashes.

I wonder what will go wrong next. And I wonder if the dogs can grow thumbs in time to let themselves out to go to the bathroom tonight. I'm sure not letting my mother back in the house after Tuesday.

Fear Factory success!

2006-10-26T19:38:13Z

The haunted house is a resounding success this year! In one weekend we’ve made more money than we did in three weekends last year. That’s awesome, but it’s a mixed blessing. That means we’ll be doing it again next year. I think I killed Halloween for myself last year because I’m still just not feeling the season much. Oh well, I’ll just get through this year, and by the time we start working on the next season (which will be January-February 2007) maybe I’ll be enthused about this again.

Honestly, I did have fun acting last weekend. Oh! And my nose is so far unbroken, so that’s already an improvement over last year! I was only spit on once too! Go me! And, a guy I worked with 11 years ago at my first haunted house (a baaad hayride) came by to visit Friday night. That was pretty fun, in a deja-vuey kind of way. He brought me a copy of the news program we were featured on at that crappy haunted hayride. It was trippy seeing myself in pretty much the same zombie makeup as more than a decade ago.

That's so reassuring.

2006-10-12T21:59:09Z

KC ranks No. 1 in mass evacuation

Um, yay?

Buck O'Neil

2006-10-09T16:24:06Z

Awwww.... I liked him. He was such a feisty old fellow. I must have taken his photo a dozen times for various newspapers, and he never failed to make me smile.

"No tears, please, for Buck" from the KC Star.

I still think he got hosed by the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Halloween blues

2006-10-06T21:58:25Z

Believe it or not, the Halloween Queen is having a hard time getting motivated for Halloween. I know! It’s just weeks away! Yet, I’m draggin.’ I think spending months on the haunted house last year, then the stress of running it, getting my nose broken in it and then the hospital trip a week after soured me well. *sigh*

BUT! I am excited we’re going to the Worlds of Fun Halloweekends thinger tomorrow! Woo! I’m also happy about my new icon! The new actor of choice is Cillian Murphy, and there’s nothing better than an actor flubbing his lines. Thank you again, JS, that totally made my day!

Pick up your straight jacket at the door

2006-09-25T15:07:58Z

Well, I’m writing a Batman-universe story in between my news stories and mind numbing typesetting today. You infected me, JS. I completely blame you (and Paws with her Kitty), because I’m not at all the one who brought up Bat-fic in the first place. :^P And, didya see? Comments! I think you’ve got a hit on your hands. I don’t think mine will fit on that group, so I joined Arkham Anonymous this morning. Oy.

In other good (or ambivalent) news, I will not have to work 12 hours tomorrow! Woot!

Yeah, I think we all knew that.

2006-09-20T03:04:34Z

What kind of Zombie are you?

You are an Evil Dead Zombie. The spirits of the dead took over your body in a lonely cabin, and now it's your job to kick some Ash ass. Sadly, while you'll succeed in beating the bejeezus out of Ash repeatedly, he will ultimately wipe you from existence. You can only be killed by bodily dismemberment.
Take this quiz!

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Long time

2006-07-18T23:20:49Z

Wow, I haven't posted here since MAY 1! Sheesh.

Weeell, since then, Hubby and I went on vacation. I turned 30. I've worked a lot. My dad retired and has sorta kinda moved out. Yep, yep, I think that about covers it...

The last movie I saw was X3, which, meh. The last concert I went to was Blondie on my birthday, which, meh. Um... The last party I went to ended in Hubby barfing on and in my car on Interstate 35. That was special.

Wow. I'm DULL!

I've been trying to work on the haunted house and Kreepfest. I was arm-wrestled into joining MySpace because Hubby did.

I got sucked into the role-playing game on Nightscrawlers. This new game is doing well, unlike previous NS games, and though I NEVER thought it would happen to me -- I love the damn thing.

That is about it. Snarf.

Haunted houses and horrible horror

2006-05-01T16:48:41Z

Just found out we’ve got final approval to do the haunted house again! So that means retooling the theme, adding stuff, removing stuff and lots of stuff! This year we will not be directly affiliated with the scout troop, so I am free to make it a little scarier, so long as it stays relatively bloodless. I’ll be redoing our Web site to reflect the change in tone, which will be lots of fun because we’re going a little more into the asylum theme this year.

And, I’m not sure if I should be proud or deeply shamed that I was a part of this… In 2004 I made some props for a horror movie shot by a couple fellas I went to college with. The movie is finally almost done and the trailer is up on MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/guerillaentertainment

I read the script on this sucker, and let me tell you, cinematic masterpiece it will never be, but it was fun making the dummy they ran over in the trailer, the human skin table cloth and various corpses and a notorious bit of severed male anatomy. I even sold some of them at a convention last year for a decent price on the premise that they were movie props.

We’re also moving our annual KC Kreepfest indoors this year, which will be a massive improvement, and I wouldn’t be surprised if we don’t top 100 attendees this year since we’re having a flash mob and doing the Rocky Horror thing with the premier of “Snakes on a Plane.”

Flying spaghetti monsters invade Kansas!

2006-04-13T20:05:35Z

From the Kansas City Star:

http://www.kansascity.com/mld/kansascity/14334458.htm

Creature’s picture irks Board of Ed member

WICHITA — State Board of Education member Connie Morris took exception Wednesday to a picture of a made-up creature that satirizes the state’s new science standards hanging on a Wichita middle school teacher’s door.

Fellow board member Sue Gamble of Shawnee told The Wichita Eagle that Morris asked for the picture to be removed.

The creature, called the Flying Spaghetti Monster, is the creation of Bobby Henderson of Corvallis, Ore. It looks like a clump of spaghetti with two eyes sticking out of the top and two meatballs flanking the eyes. Henderson created the entity and an accompanying mythology on the origin of mankind to make fun of Kansas’ recent debate over the teaching of criticisms of evolution, including intelligent design.

In November, the board voted 6-4 to allow criticisms of evolution to be taught in Kansas schools.

Morris, who voted for the new science standards, saw the picture during the tour of Stucky Middle School. She did not return phone calls for this report.

Gamble, who voted against the new standards and was also on the tour, said that Morris asked principal Kenneth Jantz to have the picture taken down.

Board members toured Stucky before finishing two days of meetings in Wichita on Wednesday.

Gamble said that when she saw the picture during the tour, she knew that some board members wouldn’t approve of it.

"When we went into that classroom, students were looking at rock formations," Gamble said. "Connie stopped to talk to a teacher and I moved on. That was when I was aware of the flyer. I thought ‘she’s probably going to say something to the teacher.’”

Gamble said that when Morris saw the picture, she asked the principal, who was on the tour, to take it down. Jantz did not comment for this report.

Gamble said she didn’t see Morris talk to Randy Mousley, the teacher, or to the principal, but that she later went up to Mousley and asked if Morris said anything to him about the picture.

That’s when Gamble learned that Morris had asked the principal to take it down.

The monster’s picture has hung on the door since September or October and was put up there as a joke, Mousley said.

“It’s a parody,” he said. “It’s just making fun of anti-evolution.”

Mousley said he doesn’t teach students about the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Also on the door is a Doonesbury comic strip about science, said board member Carol Rupe, who represents Wichita. She also voted against the new standards.

“It was two little pieces of paper on the door,” she said. “It was poking good fun.”

Gamble said she told the principal that it was his decision whether the monster could stick around.

“I advised the principal that Morris has no authority,” she said. “I told him to deal with his staff as he saw fit, not by what a state board member says.”

Board chairman Steve Abrams, who voted for the new standards, didn’t see the picture but said he thinks that the Flying Spaghetti Monster is silly.

“Personally, I think it’s juvenile,” he said.

The picture was still on the door at the end of the school day Wednesday.

Wanna join the super secret UE ninja mafia?

2006-04-04T17:07:08Z

I hang out on a couple of forums for urban explorers, the fancy term for schmucks who like to hang out in dangerous abandoned buildings and take pictures. It’s a thing. And yep, I used to do it in college, and still do occasionally if I see a cool building, though I’m not so hep on going inside the buildings since I like my criminal record clean and my spine unsnapped from falling through floors. But I digress.

One of the posters found this site, and it’s creating quite the uproar as folks either get it and think it’s great or those who lack the sense of humor gene get all pissed about it:

http://www.secreturbanexplorationninjamafia.com/main.html

I especially love the media page, with all the fake crawls. The motto is also frickin’ hilarious since the motto of one of the big, takes-itself-seriously UE sites is “take nothing but photos, leave nothing but foot prints.”

Part of what makes it so funny is that the mentality parodied on this site is so prevalent in some of the younger, dumber, more obnoxious members of the UE community, or, hell, the internet community in general. Cracked my shit up.

iamslarti @ 2006-03-10T10:19:00

2006-03-10T16:27:35Z

Scott’s grandpa died unexpectedly either Monday night or Tuesday morning. He was 82, and lived alone, so when his aorta burst it keeled him over right in the kitchen where he laid until his daughter found him Tuesday morning. They said he must have died almost instantly because he didn’t even have time to push the little medic alert button he had to wear. He’d been depressed since his wife died last spring, and told anyone who would listen that he just wanted to die, and preferably die in his own house, so he got his wish. But how much does it suck that his daughter had to find him like that? Apparently there was blood too. Urg. So we’ve been busy with funeral and such the last few days. Not fun. And now we have to help to clean out the house so it can be sold.

Mmmm… “Angel”

2006-03-06T16:42:37Z

Confession time: After watching the entire series of “Angel,” actually in order, over the past few weeks I’ve got a couple of new favorite characters in the Buffyverse – Wesley and Lorne. And since I rambled on about this for a bit I’ll get off my lazy duff

We own all seven seasons of “Buffy” and consider it our favorite show, though Hubby and I both found it only after it had ended. I watched it in the two-a-day reruns on FX after I got laid off in 2003 and decided that funny, creepy, sometimes touching show was the best thing since sliced bread. I only knew Wesley as “Giles, the next generation,” the uptight watcher nobody would listen to. Since we only discovered the Buffyverse right after season seven, we started watching “Angel” for its fifth season and hated it.

I’ve never been a big fan of Angel himself…he’s okay, but better as Angelus. Same with Cordelia -- funny, but I preferred Anya. The only other carryover then, other than S5 Spike, was Wes. And an unstable, shotgun-toting Wes was a far cry from the “Buffy” season three version I remembered and I wasn’t sure how I felt about him. It wasn’t until I watched Wes’ progression throughout the series did I get that character’s arc, and Alexis Denisof’s talent. Alyson Hannigan’s hubby is an amazing actor who can go from canned ham to James Bond (or a Bond villain, for that matter) on a moment’s notice.

When we started watching “Angel” from season one, I never got into it until Wesley came back. Doyle was okay, but Wes is what made the show click for me. I loved the rogue demon hunter shtick and enjoyed watching him mature in season two (when I was secretly rooting for him and Cordy to hook back up). Season three is of course where he got really interesting, especially after “Billy.” The completely logical evolution of a flawed, good man who always tried to do the right thing into a broken, cold shell was heartbreaking. I can’t count the number of episodes that ended with me saying “Poor, poor Wesley” to Scott. In the end, I wasn’t surprised by his death. He had nowhere else to go. Rest in peace, you poor bastard.

However, to be cynical, the writers did make a point to drive home how maligned poor, poor Wes was. I remember all during “Loyalty” Scott and I joking about them driving home Wes’ hard choice with a bus. Every time he would cast that sad look at the baby or Angel we’d laugh out loud that you could almost hear the bus in the background music. But I guess that’s the key of good television – you don’t so much mind being manipulated.

And, despite my initial hatred of him, our “Angel” marathon also gave me another name for my fav character list – Lorne. Just picking up in season five, I wondered who the hell this green dude was, what his purpose was, and, most importantly, if he would ever shut up. Sure, he had some good lines -- “Is there a Gepetto in the house?” – but since I had no clue who the hell he was, the violent and depressed behavior of this superfluous character during and after Fred’s death really didn’t mean much. I remember our “Angel”-loving friends being so shocked after the finale that “sweet, happy Lorne” was the one to kill Lindsey and desert the team, and my response of “big deal, and who exactly was Lindsey anyway?” Duh.

Not so after seeing Lorne forward from his first close up (in really, really bad makeup) in the opening scene of season two. In the Buffyverse, they love to undercut the big scary demon with humor, but I really think Lorne was their most successful example of it, barring Skip. He was an awesome, funny, campy character who had a very definite purpose and, dammit, if I didn’t fall in love with his voice despite myself. Like Wes, the non-judgemental Host also got most of the joy sucked out of him by Angel, but at least he got out of the Fang Gang before it physically killed him. He also gets the award for best one-liners of the series…. and the cutest smile, even with the makeup.

It also didn’t hurt when I IMDBed Andy Hallett and discovered his birthday is just a week away from Scott’s and his funny, rambling, “did-I-have-a-point?” interviews sound like a Hollywood version of Hubby. Scott also sings karaoke, except, y’know, not nearly as well. He wants me to make him up as Lorne for Halloween this year, and I think it’ll be frickin‘ hilarious.

Quote of the day

2006-03-03T15:33:18Z

I was reading through old messages on an "Angel"-related fan site and came across this exchange between two posters. I just about died laughing:

“Love is blind, love happens quickly, love can't be ruled. :)”

“Love is Stevie Wonder, laxatives, and anarchy. This explains a lot.”

Man kills roommate over toilet paper

2006-03-02T22:13:01Z

BWAHAHAHA! God, people are nuts.

A man accused of fatally beating his roommate with a sledgehammer and a claw hammer because there was no toilet paper in their home has been arrested.

Franklin Paul Crow, 56, was charged Monday with homicide in the death of Kenneth Matthews, 58, according to the Marion County Sheriff's Office.

Capt. Thomas Bibb said Crow initially denied his involvement, but confessed during questioning.

Crow told investigators that the men were fighting about the toilet paper over the weekend when Matthews pulled out a rifle. Crow said he then began beating Matthews with the sledgehammer and claw hammer, according to an affidavit.

Matthews was beaten so badly he had to be identified through his fingerprints, detectives said.

Crow was being held at the Marion County jail without bond. It was not immediately known whether he had an attorney.

Barney Fife is dead!

2006-02-27T14:42:34Z

Awwww, there's just something unspeakably sad about that...

http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/02/25/knotts.obit.ap/index.html

I liked Don Knotts! I grew up watching reruns of the Andy Griffith show and his goofy Disney movies.

I hate when the first shoe drops

2006-02-24T17:02:41Z

Well, I knew things were going just a little too well at work. After a few weeks of relative calm and tolerable annoyances the boss blew up the other day and has apparently decided to sell the company. Thing is, if he does it would sell to the bastards that bought my old paper and they are notoriously bad to work for and have a long history of buying papers and getting rid of everyone. Fuck that. Not again. So, time to start looking again. Bugger.

I spent three hours last night updating the OS on my Mac and getting rid of IE. Firefox works sooo much better. All this is of course a stalling tactic on updating my resume. I hate job hunting with a fiery passion and I’ll tolerate all sorts of nonsense just so I don’t have to look for something new… but I don’t want to get stuck again.

I don't normally do these, but...

2006-02-21T15:13:03Z

... Steve found a good one!

the Observer
Test finished!

you chose BZ - your Enneagram type is FIVE.

"I need to understand the world"

Observers have a need for knowledge and are introverted, curious, analytical, and insightful.

How to Get Along with Me

Be independent, not clingy.
Speak in a straightforward and brief manner.
I need time alone to process my feelings and thoughts.
Remember that If I seem aloof, distant, or arrogant, it may be that I am feeling uncomfortable.
Make me feel welcome, but not too intensely, or I might doubt your sincerity.
If I become irritated when I have to repeat things, it may be because it was such an effort to get my thoughts out in the first place.
don't come on like a bulldozer.
Help me to avoid my pet peeves: big parties, other people's loud music, overdone emotions, and intrusions on my privacy.

What I Like About Being a Five

standing back and viewing life objectively
coming to a thorough understanding; perceiving causes and effects
my sense of integrity: doing what I think is right and not being influenced by social pressure
not being caught up in material possessions and status
being calm in a crisis

What's Hard About Being a Five

being slow to put my knowledge and insights out in the world
feeling bad when I act defensive or like a know-it-all
being pressured to be with people when I don't want to be
watching others with better social skills, but less intelligence or technical skill, do better professionally

Fives as Children Often

spend a lot of time alone reading, making collections, and so on
have a few special friends rather than many
are very bright and curious and do well in school
have independent minds and often question their parents and teachers
watch events from a detached point of view, gathering information
assume a poker face in order not to look afraid
are sensitive; avoid interpersonal conflict
feel intruded upon and controlled and/or ignored and neglected

Fives as Parents

are often kind, perceptive, and devoted
are sometimes authoritarian and demanding
may expect more intellectual achievement than is developmentally appropriate
may be intolerant of their children expressing strong emotions

Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

The Enneagram Made Easy
Discover the 9 Types of People
HarperSanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages

You are not completely happy with the result?!
You chose BZ

Would you rather have chosen:

AZ (THREE)

CZ (ONE)

BX (NINE)

BY (FOUR)

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 26% on ABC

You scored higher than 0% on XYZ

Link: The Quick and Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test